Get A Better Offer
The Safe Negotiation System for Engineers
Ten years ago, I was living in a hostel. Not the “digital nomad” kind. The “this is all I can afford” kind.
I’d just moved for a trainee front-end job. Self-taught. No CS degree. Making about $300 a month. I remember sitting on that bed thinking, Did I just ruin my life?
A few years later I became a tech lead. Then a team lead. Then an engineering manager. Now I’m a senior engineer at Wix, leading large projects that span many teams.
I’m not telling you this to brag. I’m telling you this because I wasn’t special. I didn’t have connections. I didn’t go to Stanford. Half the time I felt like I was improvising.
And through all of it, I watched the same scene play out over and over. A brilliant engineer crushes four rounds of interviews. System design, take-home, behavioral — all of it. Then the recruiter calls with a number. And the engineer freezes.
Not because they’re weak. Because they’re normal.
They don’t want to seem greedy. They don’t want to damage the relationship. They don’t want to “mess it up.” So they accept the first number… and only later find out they could have asked.
That pattern is why I wrote “Get A Better Offer.” This article gives you the core system.
Fear Is the Real Opponent. Not the Recruiter.
Let’s name the thing nobody talks about.
The reason most engineers don’t negotiate isn’t laziness. It’s not ignorance. It’s fear.
Fear that the company will rescind the offer. Fear of seeming greedy. Fear of damaging the relationship before day one. Fear that “I’m not a salesperson, this isn’t me.”
And the deepest one, the one that’s hardest to say out loud: I’m not worth it.
Here’s what’s true whether you feel it or not: your worth is not determined by your internal monologue. It’s determined by the market. If a company spent weeks interviewing you and extended an offer, they’ve already decided you’re valuable enough to hire. That question is settled.
What’s not settled is where in the pay band you land. Every role has a range. The bottom and the top are for the same job, the same level, the same expectations. Negotiation is simply about where in that range you end up.
Now — the big fear. “They’ll rescind the offer.”
Think about it from the company’s side. By the time you have an offer, they’ve invested thousands. Recruiter time. Interview panels. Background checks. The hiring manager has told their boss they found someone good. Is the company going to throw all of that away because you politely asked for $10K more?
No. That would be an insane business decision.
A 2024 series of studies published in Harvard Business Review confirmed it: candidates vastly overestimate the risk. Managers withdraw offers far less often than candidates fear. And when rescission does happen, it almost always follows an extreme ask or an ultimatum — not a polite counter.
Here’s the safety test: if your ask is within 10 to 20 percent of the original offer and your tone is collaborative, the risk is as close to zero as anything gets in life.
The fear is real. The risk is not.
The Thing That Changes Everything
Here’s what most engineers don’t realize: companies expect you to negotiate. It’s built into the system. Recruiters have budgets that assume candidates will push back. The initial offer is almost never the max. It’s a starting point — and everyone on the other side of the table knows it.
Not negotiating is the unusual behavior.
A hiring manager once told me something that stuck. He hired two engineers for the same role in the same month. Same team, same level, same job. One negotiated and got $15K more in base. The other didn’t. He didn’t think the negotiator was greedy. He thought the other one left money on the table.
Both were doing the same work. Only one was being paid fairly for it.
You are not being greedy when you negotiate. You are being professional. Those are different things.
The One Rule That Matters Most
If you take nothing else from this article, take this:
Never negotiate in the moment you receive the offer.
I don’t care how ready you feel. I don’t care if you’ve rehearsed your counter in the shower for a week. When the offer comes, your job is simple: say thank you, express excitement, and ask for a couple of days.
Here’s why. When you hear a number — any number — your brain has an emotional reaction before your rational mind catches up. If the number is lower than expected, you feel disappointed and might say something defensive. If it’s higher, you feel relieved and might accept too quickly.
Neither reaction leads to a good decision.
Even 48 hours is enough to research, think, sleep on it, and come back clear-headed. Name a specific day — not “a few days.” In the history of hiring, no company has ever rescinded an offer because a candidate asked for two days to think.
Take the time. You’ve earned it.
The 15-Minute Plan
You have an offer. Your stomach is doing that thing. Here’s the plan.
Get the full picture. Most engineers see the base salary and react. But at senior levels, base is often only 40 to 60 percent of total comp. The rest — equity, bonuses, signing bonus — can be worth more than the base itself. Reacting to just the base is like judging a house by the front door. Ask for the complete breakdown. Write it all down. Calculate your 4-year total. That’s the number that actually matters.
Buy time. (See above. This is the rule.)
Pick your lever. You don’t need to negotiate everything. If base is below market — negotiate base, because it compounds into every future raise and job offer. If base is fair but total comp feels low — go after equity or signing bonus. If you have a competing offer — use it. If nothing stands out — ask for a signing bonus. It’s a one-time cost for the company, which makes it the easiest thing to approve. Many teams have budget for signing bonuses that never gets used because nobody asks.
Send the counter. This is where people freeze. So here’s a real script you can use today:
Hi [Recruiter name],
Thank you again for the offer — I’m genuinely excited about [company/team/role]. After reviewing the full package carefully, I’d love to discuss one thing.
Based on my research and the market data I’ve seen for [role/level] in [location], I was hoping we could get closer to [$X] in [base/total comp/equity]. This reflects the going rate for the scope of this role.
If we can land there, I’m ready to sign and I’m looking forward to getting started.
That last line is the most powerful sentence in the entire email. It removes all uncertainty. The recruiter doesn’t have to wonder if you’ll keep negotiating. You’re saying: do this one thing, and we have a deal. That’s exactly what they need to go fight for you internally.
Handle the response. They say yes — accept warmly, don’t second-guess. They meet you partway — decide if the gap is worth one more round. They say no — you still have the original offer. You’ve lost nothing.
Five steps. That’s the system.
What Not to Say
“I need $X because my rent is...” — Your personal expenses are not leverage. Companies pay based on market value, not your cost of living.
“My friend at Google makes $X.” — Unless they have the same role, level, location, and experience, it’s not a useful comparison. Stick to data.
“If you don’t do this, I’m walking.” — Ultimatums end conversations. They don’t open them.
“I have another offer for $X.” (when you don’t) — Don’t lie. Ever. The tech industry is small. Recruiters talk. There are plenty of honest ways to negotiate well.
A Note on Who You Are
I want to say something that most negotiation guides skip.
Research shows that women now negotiate more often than men — but are turned down more frequently. The problem isn’t individual behavior. It’s institutional bias. Studies consistently show that when women negotiate assertively in the same way men do, they sometimes face social penalties. The same behavior gets read differently depending on who’s doing it.
This isn’t fair. But it’s real, and ignoring it doesn’t help anyone.
There’s a technique that helps. Instead of “I want $X,” anchor your request in external factors: “My research shows the market rate is in the range of X to Y.” “I was advised by a mentor to make sure the offer reflects my experience level.” Same ask, but framed around data and advice rather than personal desire. This works well for everyone — it’s just especially important for people who might face different reactions.
This section matters for underrepresented engineers broadly — people of color, non-native English speakers, anyone negotiating uphill because of who they are. The system in this book works for everyone. But pretending everyone starts from the same position would be a lie I’m not going to tell.
The Math That Makes Fear Look Small
Say you negotiate a $10,000 increase in base at age 28.
Year 1: $10,000 extra. After 10 years of 3% raises compounding on the higher base: ~$14,000 extra per year. Your next job anchors to a higher number, carrying the bump forward. Over a full career with 4–6 job changes — each with a similar negotiation — that’s $200,000 to $500,000+.
Let me make it even more concrete. You negotiate +$10,000/year. After taxes, you invest $7,000/year. Do that for just 3 years — $21,000 invested total. At a modest 8% return, that becomes ~$180,000 in 30 years. From one conversation.
The cost? A slightly uncomfortable conversation. Ten minutes. One email.
The return on investment per minute of discomfort is higher than any code you’ll ever write, any system you’ll ever design, any project you’ll ever ship.
The worst outcome of a polite counter is they say no and you accept the original offer anyway. You end up exactly where you’d be if you never asked.
The upside is tens of thousands of dollars for five minutes of courage.
That’s a trade worth making every single time.
Get the Full System
This article gave you the mindset and the fast-track plan. The book gives you the machine.
“Get A Better Offer” includes:
A 15-minute plan you can run today — even if the offer is sitting in your inbox right now
40+ word-for-word scripts + a decision map (pick your situation → paste → send)
The full sequence: get the picture → buy time → pick your lever → send a clean counter → handle pushback calmly
What not to say (so you don’t sabotage yourself)
Scripts for tough cases: competing offers, startups, visa holders, global engineers
Raises, promotions, and refreshers inside your current company
If you’re about to accept because you’re scared to ask — don’t.
Read Chapter 0. Run the 15-minute plan. Send the script.